Why Busy Places Can Leave You Exhausted

Do you ever get home from the shops or a social gathering feeling completely drained? Not just a bit tired, or even very tired, but drained. Do you feel as if every drop of energy has disappeared and your entire self – body, brain and emotions – needs to recover?

This isn’t your imagination and it isn’t you being dramatic. You might have been told that this is an extreme reaction, or you might have suspected it yourself when you were feeling this way, especially if it seems like you’re the only one who gets affected like this after being in a busy environment.

Busy places are overflowing with information that many people are able to filter out without much difficulty. This can include things like bright lights, background music (loud or quiet), conversations, speaker announcements, smells, activity (like traffic or people moving around), loud laughter, changing temperatures, decisions to make (like choosing food from a menu), knowing where the toilets are – and the list goes on.

For some neurodivergent people, filtering this information can be more difficult, meaning their brains may be trying to process far more of what is happening around them. If you compare being able to focus on one conversation – the one you’re involved in – with attempting to process all of the above and focus on a single conversation, you can see there’s a brain working overtime.

So, how do you get through those experiences?

The truth is: with difficulty.

These environments can be challenging, especially if it’s a social situation where you might also be monitoring yourself. Are you smiling enough or too much? Are you ‘wearing’ the appropriate facial expression for this interaction? What are your hands doing? What did they just say? Where are the exits? Did you remember to ask them how they are? Are you talking too much or not enough?

With that many tabs open in your brain, is it any wonder that you’re drained at the end of it?

This makes going out sound awful and chaotic. The confusing truth is that social interaction can also be hugely beneficial to our physical, mental and emotional wellbeing.

Contradictory much?

So, social interaction and getting out into the world can be exhausting and overwhelming and beneficial. What do we do?

Managing how you interact is important. Create boundaries and learn to say no when you know that overcommitting is going to cost you. Saying no can feel challenging at first, but it really is okay to stop saying yes automatically and instead assess whether you have the physical, mental and emotional capacity before making your choice.

Comparing whether other people need to do this won’t change your needs and can often take you down a path of self-judgement. Try to keep your curiosity with yourself.

If you find busy places draining, this doesn’t mean that you’re antisocial or somehow broken. It could simply mean that your nervous system needs a bit more care and recovery time, and that’s okay.

If you give yourself permission to rest, you’re not giving in or admitting defeat. This isn’t weakness. This is being honest and non-judgemental about what you need and acting on those needs.

Ask yourself what really helps you recover from busy environments. Do you need a day to yourself afterwards? Do you need to listen to music, read a book, walk in nature, or lie on your sofa watching a familiar film?

Stay curious and find your way.